When Gypsies Roll Into Town.

At the end of our journey from NYC to Vermont, we stopped in at a restaurant to pick up dinner. We sat down at the bar.

Where you driving from? The man next to us asked.

We said New York City.

Is that where you’re from? He grinned, from inside a deep, dark, long beard.

No. We’re from a small town west of Boston, we said.

I just want to let you know, he said, I’ve been wearing the same pair of pants for three weeks.

His friends at the bar rolled off their chairs laughing at him and quickly resumed a conversation they were having about plans for next Tuesday’s sushi night.

Have you ever been to Vermont before? Ol Dirty Pants said.

I’ve camped in every state park. Skied every mountain. Hiked every trail. Dunked my kids under every waterfall. Watched every river carry winter into spring. Inhaled the dying breath of every leaf that has ever performed a fainting spell for leaf-peeping tourists. Stuck my tongue out to catch the best of every winter’s snowflake vintages. Swallowed the entire run of maple syrup from the sweetest sugar bushes. Been lost, been found–in the dewy webs of every spider that ever decorated every meadow on the shores of Lake Champlain. Handed over all my dreams upon every island in the northern reaches of the state. Touched every gravestone, of every baby, in every forlorn, forgotten grove alongside hiking trails, biking trails, and snowshoe trails.

Pour me a beer. I’ll cry a cheerful river about how I’ve been to Vermont before.

*****

We gathered up our “to-go” dinner order and left the restaurant after some more good conversation with the folks at the bar.

We only had five more miles to go on the long road cruise from New York City.

Eight years had passed since our last stay in this part of Vermont and I felt my heart start bubbling up into my throat. Our kids were little, then. My sister and her husband and their two children, had created a gracious, country home for their family. No cell service. No Internet.

A babbling brook. Horse-drawn sleighs that glided over the snow as one stared out the windows into the forests. Stars.

*****

I’m huddled in the car outside the South Woodstock General Store. It is a bitterly cold night–8 degrees–but this is the hot spot for free wifi.

When I walked into the house, I stood at the doorway of the kids’ room. The beds were neat and tidy. The little desks near the beds didn’t have any books on them. The old wood floors weren’t splashed with the lively brush strokes of mismatched socks, shirts, underwear, wet towels. I knew I had to get out of there.

I was saved by three little paintings on the walls here and there that all of us used to love.

Birds. Wearing shoes.

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Thank goodness there’s a little tree outside the country store, where I sit at work in my car. It still has colored Christmas lights on it. They are the ones that twinkle. As soon as I finish this post, I’ll head down the road back to the house.

It’s a route we used to walk with the kids, laughing and freezing all the way.

Birthday Road Trips.

Today my husband is fifty-five years old. He has all of his hair and, maybe, three or four gray ones. He is the same weight he was in high school. (Thin.) He has the same eye-brain coordinated connections he had in college. So, for instance, when he looks at me, he sees my eighteen-year-old self. (We met when we were eighteen.) He is still a lot of fun and gorgeous.

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However you look when Cupid first shoots that arrow–that is the way your love will always remember you.

*****

To celebrate my husband’s birthday we are starting out heading southwest to Manhattan to watch our son perform with his band at the Bowery Electric in the Map Room in Manhattan.  The next morning, we are going to view the Matisse exhibit at MoMA because I just know it’ll be a happy thing to see. Once, we walked to the Musee Matisse in Nice, France. And we were happy. I think the exhibit will look the way a fun birthday party feels. It will look like our daughter all dressed up to go fishing. My husband always loved the way she would put a dress on and a bright, summery hat and then go fishing with him–capable of baiting the hook and slipping around in her bare feet in the mud on the banks of the rivers or the ponds or the lakes. We will be missing her as part of all the celebrations. After Manhattan, we’ll get into the car and cruise north to Vermont.

I asked my sister if I could use her most charming house in South Woodstock for the weekend. The house is within walking distance to the Kedron Valley Inn which has a perfect tavern and more perfect than that, is the South Woodstock General Store next to it. It’s the best general store in Vermont. I have prepared homemade chicken salad and shrimp salad for sandwiches, but I don’t know why I did it, because my husband will only want to walk to the general store to see if they’ll make him a meatloaf sandwich. My husband’s sister is coming for the weekend and she is bringing one of our nephews. My husband’s mother is coming with her special friend–the man who took care of her heart after her husband, my husband’s beloved father, died.

We had planned to ski, but the forecast predicts temps below zero. Last year, my husband and my son raced down Wolverine Bowl at Alpine Meadows in North Lake Tahoe at the top speed of 69 miles per hour, as I decorated the edge of that headwall with a pretty trim of skier’s rickrack–my zigzagged turns so tightly formed together—my toes digging through my ski boots, clinging to the mountain. Neither my husband, nor my son, made a single turn down that steep wall of smooth and fast, packed powder. Those kinds of speeds create dangerous wind chill. And for skiers like me, who cruise along at the speed of dial-up, we are at risk for being exposed too long in the cold. There aren’t any headwalls like the one at Alpine Meadows in New England, but Vermont is no slouch when it comes to creating cold that really hurts.

We plan to snowshoe or cross-country ski instead.

A long time ago, we used to ski with a big group of friends. My husband asked me to resurrect one of those long-ago crowd sustaining meals for his birthday celebration in Vermont. I went into the archives and found tattered notes for the recipe. After a day of skiing, snowshoeing, and/or cross country skiing–this meal sends everyone off to sleepy time, feeling full of satisfaction and ready to do it all again the next day.

Here’s the scatter-brain, tattered-notes version of the recipe:

PENNE IN CREAM SAUCE WITH SAUSAGE AND CHICKEN:

1 large sweet onion and three garlics sautéed in olive oil with a pound of sweet or mild sausage (casings removed and sausage broken into small pieces). Transfer the cooked sausage and onions to a 5qt. casserole pot, pour a cup of white (not sweet) wine over it and cook it down. While you’re cooking it down, sauté a pound of chicken breast cut up. By the time you’ve cut up and cooked the chicken, the wine should be cooked down enough. Add a big can (28 oz) of petite diced tomatoes to the sausage pot. (I used a can labeled “with garlic and olive oil” for fun.) Add 1 cup of light cream to the tomato sauce. Let thicken and simmer–about five minutes. Add kosher salt and pepper. Add one small can of tomato paste. Chop up a loose 1/4 cup of Italian parsley and throw that in. Stir in the chicken. Pack it to go. Take a box or two of skinny penne and an extra can of tomato sauce. When it comes time to have dinner, cook the pasta and mix it in. Add can of tomato sauce if you want to thin the sauce, or add a ladle-full of the water used to cook the pasta. Mix in a cup of grated parmesan to the dish before serving.

*****

Happy birthday to my true love.

Snowflakes.

Snowflakes, by Emily Dickinson

Snow flakes.

I counted till they danced so

Their slippers leaped the town,

And then I took a pencil

To note the rebels down.

And then they grew so jolly

I did resign the prig,

And ten of my once stately toes

Are marshaled for a jig!

*****

Today is the day before my husband’s birthday. He’s a January boy, he loves to ski, and this year a perfect snowstorm arrived in time to help me decorate the house and prepare for his birthday.

Many years ago, when my son was a grammar school boy, the fourth graders had an event called Business Hour. I think they had it once a month or so. During Business Hour, the kids traded arts and crafts or services or baked goods. They earned a form of wampum through completed homework, which they could use to buy anything during Business Hour, or they could just work out their own barter deals. I used to volunteer during Business Hour and ended up shopping most of the time because the kids created things that thrilled my soul.

I have always been a big fan of Kid Art. When you have Kid Art hanging in your house, the prig is constantly reminded to chill and the toes are kept loose for jigs, and the rebel spirit of kid confidence reminds me to infuse a little snowday joy into the times of my life.

All those years ago, I acquired a collection of hand-cut snowflakes from one of my son’s classmates at a Business Hour classroom trade show. Ever since, I have used the treasured collection to decorate the house for my husband’s birthday. I tape each snowflake, delicately, to the bay window near our winter dining area which looks out onto a snowy expanse of gardens where I love being distracted by the comings and goings of robins roosting in the juniper tree to eat the berries. We have a view of our barn, too, when we sit down to share our meals.

*****

Snowflakes. Harbingers of the happy dance. Here are some from my prized collection:

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And here they are arranged in compositions on the window for our dining pleasure:

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My Lady Mother Nature.

IMG_3193There is not another like Her. She reigns as the only Supreme Queen.

All powerful, all knowing, all gorgeous and wonderful. She can cuddle, punish, and make something out of nothing in all the best, and all the most horrible ways.

She does not limit Herself with rules. Even as others try to find Her patterns, copy Her techniques, pull apart Her process, name Her works of art. She is not knowable. Nor does She ever want to become a brand or establish a school of thought or teach Her methods of success or gather up disciples to be coached.

The intellectuals will proclaim that She can’t be loved, because She is nothing. Yet they obsess over knowing Her as much as I obsess over loving Her.

She combines colors without a color wheel. Textures, shapes–She sculpts without a guide. She follows no one. Using wind, water–time–She is a master at the melodies of waiting. She moves, one snowflake at a time. One frozen droplet. One swish of the bumble bee’s wing.

She gives everything and takes everything away. She is The One Mother Nature.

Today, in my part of the universe, She is in full command. She has stopped the frantic world. I will watch Her in flight, all day. I’ll go out into the fury of Her work, strapping on my snowshoes and packing my body into layers of clothing.

I will marvel at the extremes of all Her details. I will think of a prayer, and say it.

But Mother Nature hears no prayers.

She sends every snowflake from the heavens without a flight pattern, without radar, without a map. There are no trip leaders. No GPS, no cell phone, no pinterest, or instagram.

She will create Her artwork–Her sculpted snow drifts and iced ponds and starry nights and sun shining sparkly snowfields–

Without ever leaning on a prayer.

The North-East Gales.

IMG_3189I locked myself out of the house. First I thought about breaking a window, then I moved on to set up the drill and try getting through the door that way, and–finally–I called a locksmith.

He said he’d be right over.

He started out trying to pick the lock and I watched how he listened for clicks so quiet, that the sound of the juncos using their beaks to get seeds from dried flowers still standing in my winter gardens, would seem ear splitting. He also tuned in with what he was feeling through the two metal instruments being jabbed into the keyhole. Then he made some diagnostic comments about how there was one pin inside the lock that wouldn’t let him get past it.

I said, “You must have an engineering mind, with a flair for visualizing intricate mechanical patterns.” He said he did and that he’d gone to Worcester Polytechnic Institute to study engineering.

“But my grandfather was a locksmith.” He said. “He taught me the trade.”

I asked him if he liked Minecraft. Yes, he said. But he made sure to let me know that he wasn’t a total freak about it.

We tried another lock on another door. No go. “I always thought our doors had kind of crappy locks on them.” I said. The locksmith told me that people buy fancy door handles and locks, but the lock configurations inside are often the same as the cheap handles, and most are pretty good. He got out his drill, and dismantled the stubborn lock for good.

We went into the house and he began to put together a new handle and lock for the door. He set up his tools, and opened a box divided into compartments containing teensy metal “pins” separated by sizes and colors. I thought the collection of pins, inside the box, was pretty. It was like a box of paints, or beads.

I said to the locksmith, “You must have broken through some cool locks.” He said the most difficult break-in was a bank vault. They are super duper secured, he said. Somehow, a toddler had escaped from his mother’s side at the bank, just as the vault was closing for the day. The child ended up trapped inside. No one could open the vault–the security system had been set up to shut the vault, and lock it electronically, at a specific time every day. The mother of the trapped child became frantic. It took the locksmith more than two hours to break in. He said, “I don’t know how a mother loses her kid like that.” I didn’t say anything. I’ve lost my kids plenty of times, but never inside a vault filled with money. I thought of all the possibilities and opportunities…an innocent child, wearing a coat, with big pockets, casually allowed to get trapped inside a bank vault.

Putting together the new lock for my door, and matching it up to my existing keys, took some time. Next, I asked the locksmith, “You must love stories of bank heists, or detective stories that solve complicated mysteries.” He said he did, but then he told me that what he really loved, were the stories of hidden treasures from shipwrecks.

“My grandfather left his boat to me when he died. It’s a 43 footer. My cousin and I are going to use it to search for buried treasure from the pirate ship Whydah. Do you know about the Whydah?”

I said I’d been to the Whydah Museum in Provincetown when my kids were little.

He brought me further into his obsession: “The ship went down in a nor-easter off the coast of Cape Cod when the captain changed course to visit his girlfriend. It was loaded with stolen treasure. Barry Clifford discovered the wreck in 1984 and you can’t search within the claim areas. But we can search for treasure beyond the claim zone.”

“A nor’easter!” I said. “We’ve got a good one coming today.”

“Yes,” the locksmith said, “A lot of my calls during the winter are from people who lose their keys in the snow.”

I was going to ask him if he just uses a metal detector to find the buried key. But I didn’t.

Instead, I turned on my computer and looked up the Whydah.

The ship was originally a British slave trading ship. It was just over 100 feet long and, as was the design for slave ships, it was easy to maneuver, heavily armed, and fast–being able to reach speeds up to 13 knots. The Whydah set sail for the port of Ouidah, West Africa, (from which it might have gotten its name), and could handle trades of 700 slaves for gold, silver, sugar, indigo.

As the stories go, the pirate Black Sam Bellamy gave chase to the Whydah for three days, after its maiden voyage, and took it to be his flagship. It was February, 1717, during the Golden Age of Piracy which lasted from 1680 until 1725.

Bellamy had plundered more than 50 ships, gaining the still-standing record as the wealthiest pirate known upon the pages of written history. When he took command of the Whydah, it came stocked with gold and silver–all the riches earned through the sale of slaves. Bellamy began to sail north, from the waters near Cuba, bound for Cape Cod, where they say he wanted to see his girlfriend, Maria Hallett, who lived in Wellfleet. Maria was know as the Witch of Wellfleet because she had been cast from the town of Eastham after she bore Bellamy’s child out of wedlock. The child died. To this day, the legend of her hauntings along the coast of Wellfleet endure.

As Bellamy sailed north, a fleet of winds chased after him–the North-East gales. He floated forth, into a danger zone where all the mercy of slavers, combined with all the mercy of pirates, matched all the mercy of coastal storms. The sea beds between Chatham and Provincetown are vast graveyards, overflowing with the remains of more than 1000 shipwrecks. Wintertime was especially treacherous–on average, two ships per month were consumed by the violent rushes of winds and water. In fact, the regularity with which ships were smashed into the shifting sandbars near the coastlines, inspired the local populations to have on hand wagons and carts for the “finders keepers” looting that followed every tragedy at sea.

Pirate Black Sam Bellamy sailed into an ominous blend of thick fog and shifting winds. The fast-forming nor-easter flung 70 mph gusts throughout the air that licked with furious greediness at the surface of the Atlantic, lifting the water into 30′ peaks, with cavernous gullies that swallowed The Whydah. Tempest tossed, the ship was reduced to all the might of a child’s floaty toy, made of twigs. Trapped in the surf zone near Marconi Beach, off Wellfleet, the massive supply of cannons aided the gusty gales and lusty seas in breaking the ship apart. It split in two–the stern sinking one way, the bow sinking another. Its gluttonous belly–filled with blood treasures–spilled everything into the insatiable Atlantic.

All but two people lost their lives to the powers of the north-east gales. 143 men and one boy, who somehow talked his way into being a pirate. When the townspeople showed up after the storm to take whatever the sea tossed up, corpses littered the wrack line. The indifferent currents started the constant work of burying treasure troves into hidden, underwater sand vaults.

The Witch of Wellfleet never saw her bad-boy pirate again. Or did she? His body was never found.

But his pirate ship became known as the most authentic shipwreck in coastal New England lore.

Pirates lived by a surprisingly democratic form of unique governance aboard their ships. I found lists of the rules, one was entitled: The Articles of Gentlemen of Fortune: A Pirate Crew’s Constitution. And, often, when a ship was plundered by pirates, if there were slaves aboard, they were given the option to become a pirate, or take their chances as a slave.

To this day, nor-easter storms like the one we are about to get walloped, slammed, hammered, and buried by, arrive packed with curious combinations of romanticism, anxiety, dread, excitement. And the powers of these storms have not abated over the almost 300 years that have passed since the Whydah sailed right down the throat of a howling nor’easter

Marconi Beach in Wellfleet, Cape Cod, is a favorite beach of the world. Each year, I embark on an excursion at the end of wintertime to have a look at how the storms have reshaped the beaches of Cape Cod. It is always dramatic. On dreamy summer days, I like walking at Marconi Beach and looking all the way to the horizon to imagine where I’d end up if I set sail and kept going. Now, I’ll look about 500 feet out to sea and think of the Whydah, going down in only 16 feet of water and having all its secrets buried under 5 feet of sand for about 266 years.

When the locksmith completed his artfully-crafted doorknob and new lock, he handed me his bill for the work of breaking into my house and sculpting the new doorknob. I gasped.

I wanted to say, “That’s a lot of pirate coin!” But he had also told me he planned to name his boat The Whydah and that his dream job would be to work as a gunsmith (designing, repairing, taking apart and putting back together, guns) and he also wouldn’t hesitate to become a mercenary, keeping the seas safe from modern pirates, using sophisticated machine guns.

So I let it go.

Shine On You Crazy Diamonds.

There’s a snowstorm coming. The new pile of firewood is not well-seasoned and the cupboards are bare. My husband is leaving on a jet plane to attend a business meeting, just as the first flakes are forecasted to fly. It’s all bad timing–he’d rather be here for the storm, wants to cozy up in the barn playing his guitar, and would be more content to spend the weekend with snow-cold beers and a few rounds of card games.

I’ll be home alone–the kids are grown up and gone.

I know how to work the snowblower, how to use a snow shovel, how to build a fire–even with fresh-cut logs. I’ve got my cross-country skis and snowshoes for excursions into the woods.

I’ll watch the whole storm land all around me. It will be quiet. No one will need me to help find boots, hats, mittens, coats.

I’ll locate a random can of soup, somewhere, and heat it up.

I’ll sit in my son’s room. And look out his windows.

I’ll sit in my daughter’s room. And look out her windows.

I’ll glance at books, everywhere–in every room–on shelves, tables, next to beds.

I won’t even think about watching a movie or a television show, because I don’t know how to make our fancy flat screen go from OFF to ON. And I don’t know what a television show is anymore.

It will be all about the pretty storm for me. I’ll go walking into the bright, snowy night. I’ll have the place–the great, cold and crisp outdoors–all to myself.

Maybe the stars will be shining when I go. Or twinkling. Or sparkling. Or glowing.

I’ve raised a family, created a home, can read and write. But as for stars and snowflakes–that’s where enchantment still reigns. I look at them–the stars and the snowflakes–and it’s like trying to figure out where my children were before they were placed into my arms. Or how I ever found my husband.

It’s fun–to look at stars and examine snowflakes. When I do it, I imagine that we go on, forever and ever, twinkling, sparkling, and glowing.

That’s the kind of shine, that leads me on. IMG_1919

Daydream Believers.

Thursday is a good day to daydream. Chances are, if you start a daydream on Thursday, and choose a daydream not too far over the rainbow, the dream will come true. By starting on Thursday, you have time to chase the dream, wrap your head around it, and give it substance on the page–

Whether in the making of a list,

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Or the drawing out of a plan,

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Or in the mapping of your mind using techniques you’ve developed during all the years you’ve spent being you and learning how to do your own thinking–

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After you’ve given your daydream the dignity of permanence on the page or permanence on the stage (perhaps you have voiced your daydreams to a lover or a friend), you are now perfectly positioned to commence work because–

The weekend awaits.

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Thursday is also known as Thirsty Thursday. So, after nuzzling up next to your daydream on Thursday, (whenever time permits), you can spend more time with your dream during a happy hour where a glass of wine or a pint of beer has been poured for you. Don’t overdo it. Both the dream and the drink should be carefully coddled and not allowed to risk death by drowning in foolishness. The drink can be tea, or hot cocoa, too. Something that will relax the mind and render the bleats of naysayers (take care not to be one of them!) silent.

And then comes Friday–and with it the whole weekend. This is your work space–a span of time where you will live in the good and satisfying work of making dreams come true.

Gypsy Love.

The moon was out all day. A restless wind howled in the distance and I waited while it made its way toward me. Over the far hills it rushed, bending the poor birch trees already hard at work, holding snow in such pretty clumps of white on its branches. Cold, cold air made me stiff and tense. I waited. When the wind finally swirled around me, twisting my hair into tangles and lashing at my face, it was as terrible as cold could be. I peeked at the moon. The sun didn’t matter that day.

My telephone rang last night. It was a friend asking if she could come over to show me something she’d written seven years ago. I lit the fire and waited for her.

When she arrived we hugged each other, our soft bellies squished up between us.

“I could not have written this,” she said. It was a work of prose poetry and it was about her son’s descent into the living hells of bipolar disorder, drug abuse, and his failed quests to achieve recovery. He died, almost nine years ago, by his own hand.

Had I been all alone after reading the poem, I would have sat still, stunned, unable to think or speak–not wanting to do either, anyway. I only wanted to cry for the rest of my life. It’s true that the work has added power for me, because I knew her son and because I know her and because I know her husband and I know her youngest son, who was very good friends with my son when they were young boys. After I read the prose poem, I handed it to my husband who left the room to read it. When he returned, there weren’t just three of us sitting around the fire–there were four. My friend’s son settled in, too–his spirit freed. Though we knew a lot about his life and the circumstances of his death, now we knew more.

My friend is sure her son is channeling her. She believes she is being called, by him, to help families as they try everything to save loved ones who suffer with mental disorders and addictions. My friend tried everything to help her son.

“Is the writing good enough?” My friend asked. “Do you think I can use this to help people.”

And I answered her, not as a writer, but as a mother. I told her what she already knows, that her relationship with her son has evolved to a place she hoped and hoped for, a place where the darkest days of anguish would be finished. It didn’t happen the way we all wanted it to happen–no mother wants to have a relationship with a child from beyond the grave–but she is now in a place to help others, and her son is joining her. They are working together from a world of deeply spiritual love that only a mother and a child can know.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” My friend said. “But he won’t leave me alone. He keeps encouraging me. My mind races and races and won’t stop.”

I reminded her that she has been practicing and walking through the motions for a long time–she forgets how she has spent the last several years–stopping by my house, walking through my gardens, telling me everything. Each year, the remembered pain of her son’s life does not abate, and her self-criticism over what else she could have done to save him remains the glimmer of hope that inspires her to reach out and perhaps save another family.

I discovered, a long time ago, the point of WHAT ELSE in life. After the counselors, the prescription drugs, the treatment centers, the retreats, the priests–after all of that doesn’t work,  what else is there to do? Sometimes, there is nothing else. The pain is so insurmountable, the disease is so toxic, the injury is so grave–there is only the grace of death.

But sometimes, the what else is the unprofessional, un-clinical, unscientific, imperfect, untrained, nonjudgmental, unrestrained excursion into the heart of another human being. My friend knows how judgmental she used to be. It makes her heartsick to recall how she denied the depth of her son’s despair and dangerous behaviors. I could only nod my head, recalling all the things I believed until my own experiences changed–and continue to change–the ways I process and interpret the confusions of what it means to be human.

I began this week talking with another friend whose son took his own life almost three years ago. I am thinking of a friend today who is in court battling to keep her young daughter safe from a father dangerously addicted to alcohol. Not many of us avoid adversity.

“So you think the writing is good enough.” My friend said, holding the papers inscribed with the holy poem. “I just don’t know if I could tell the story and get through reading this to people who need to hear it.”

“Then call me.” I said. “I’ll go with you, whenever and wherever you are led to help other families.”

My friend’s face lit up. “You will?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll go, too.” My husband said.

The last times my husband and I visited with my friend’s son, he was doing some painting work for us. Every now and then he’d take a break with my husband for a few guitar lessons. He was a brilliant, beautiful boy then, almost in high school. Just a boy.

After my friend left, my husband and I cried for the rest of the night–not even in our dreams was our shared grief spared.

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The Found Art of Dancing.

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Friday night and company rolled into camp for the weekend. It was my husband’s sister and she is as much as fun as he is–always game for an adventure that promises a good time.

Gypsies like to dance so we invited our guest to a dance lesson at our dance studio where we are taking lessons, followed by a dance party where we could practice whatever we learned. The featured dance lesson that night was The Swing. Using all my powers of concentration, I moved my feet in the demonstrated patterns. I practiced a few rounds on my own. I practiced with a dance partner. I tried putting it all together with music.

It was great. We were all having a good time with a lot of laughs.

But then came the transition that used to make me pop out my eyeballs and drop my head onto the desk when I was a kid in school–it’s that moment when you’ve figured out how to add two plus two AND you’re good enough to get it to equal four, AND you’re satisfied–ready for recess. But the dang teacher waltzes over to your desk, puts his or her hands on your shoulders (tells you to pick your eyeballs up off the floor) and starts leading you further and further onto the dance floor. He or she wants you to find unknown values for x, y, and z using mathematical slices of pi.

You’re ready for this! The great educator smiles.

NO. You want to say. Can’t you see I’m in a happy place? Can’t you see I want to grow up and be a professional doodler?

If only I could learn how to mete out my powers of concentration, instead of using up everything I’ve got from the start.

After the dance instructor taught us the basics of bopping and swinging on the dance floor, he stopped the music and said the next thing we were going to learn how to do, was underarm turns. Turn is such a tame word because we weren’t turning, we were spinning. And, there wasn’t just one spin, there were three. I felt like a ballerina-school flunk-out spinning in a music box owned by Sid on Toy Story.

But I knew I just needed to regroup my powers of concentration, and see if I could get two plus two, to equal four plus four, to equal eight plus eight.  I needed to figure out the dance pattern, learn how to count the pattern with the timing of the music, and do it all without looking at my feet. Grade-school never promised me that if I learned math, I would be able to dance. Actually, math is important if you ever want to learn anything that has to do with music. In fact, if all I ever did in grade school was learn how to play the great music of the world, using all the great musical instruments of the world, along with learning all the steps, to all the great dances of the world–well, there you have it: another one of my plans for education that would save the world.

After our dance lesson, it was time for the dance party. I’m too old to act silly, so I kept it to myself that all I wanted to do was throw not only my head, but my entire body out the window. I’m an introvert, too, so I’d rather stand in the corner and watch. And doodle. Honestly, dancing not only works out your brain, but you are expected to get your body in on the action, too. There are leaders and followers and it doesn’t happen in the safe, sedate world of cyberspace with a little thumb action–it happens in real time, with real brains and bodies grooving to music. There were waltzes, foxtrots, tangos, rumbas, cha chas, and other dances going on that did not look easy. It’s one thing to jump into the lake when you don’t know how to swim–you can thrash around on your own. It’s quite another thing to be thrown onto the dance floor, and find yourself thrashing in the arms of a stranger with twinkle toes that have been lovingly placed into a pair of official dancing shoes.

The polite dancers smile at you, tell you what to do, and after a few trips around the dance floor, they say: You’re ready for this!

*****

For the past several months, I’ve drawn a few doodles on the dance floor with my feet. I’ve filled my brain with counting patterns and steps. In between, there’s my body. My whole body. Every part of it can move to the music, with a partner. I’m the follower. And, oh, the places I go through the music of the world and the dances of the world.

There’s a lot of following going on in the world nowadays. Dancing is my kind of following–I get to meet the people I follow and together we perform the dances that used to bring people together in real time, for shared enjoyment and pleasure.

Anyone can learn to dance and begin traveling across dance floors close to home. The next thing you know, you and your dance partner will be lighting up the dance floors of the world.

But you have to know how to count!

*****

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Buenos Aires. Our niece took us to a tango parlor, where the musicians and dancers cast a spell on us.

Nonviolence. The Legacy of MLK.

When Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered, I was in a shoe store in downtown Ft. Wayne, Indiana. The somber news interrupted the store’s calm atmosphere: “Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. has be shot….” Ever-ready gusts of depression blew in and snuffed out all the excitement of getting new shoes. My birthday was the next day and I was going to be 8 years old. Up until then, my life had been dominated by news reports and images of violence crackling out from radios and onto newly-mass-produced TV screens—Vietnam, Civil Rights, the Cold War—all part of a steady stream of announced assassinations, race riots, protests, campus unrest, impending nuclear annihilation, evil communists. We left the shoe store immediately; my parents feared the city would react violently to the news of MLK’s assassination.

*****

Five years before MLK was murdered, he spoke in Ft. Wayne on June 5, 1963. Two months before that, he had written “Letter From a Birmingham Jail,” but had not yet delivered his “I Have a Dream Speech,” which would happen three months hence at the March on Washington. A year later, he would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Dr. John Meister, a pastor of the First Presbyterian Church introduced MLK during his visit to Ft. Wayne: “A glorious disturber of people and the peace.”

At the podium, MLK said, “Some say slow up. You’re moving too fast….But we are through with gradual-ism, token-ism, see how far you’ve come-ism….We have learned to stand up against the evil system—and still not hate in the process. We have discovered that love works miracles.” MLK warned that segregation was not just a problem for the American South, but that de facto segregation existed throughout the country.

King was right. One of the most troubling consequences of de facto segregation was that it created school systems throughout America which did not offer equal opportunities for education to all children. After MLK’s death, Ft. Wayne started trying to integrate their schools. None of us were prepared for the busing of Black kids into our all-white neighborhood schools. One day it just seemed to crash land in everyone’s front yard. Chaos ensued and while the adults were desperately trying to protect their children from harm, their children were desperately trying to make it through the school day. We were sexually and physically and mentally assaulted by each other. Our school bathrooms became war zones. So did the hallways, the lines for lunch, the gym locker rooms. I was a fifth grader in elementary school and the stories I heard about what was happening in the junior high schools and the high schools kept waves of fearful depression washing over me. At one point, I stopped going to school for several weeks. I didn’t tell anyone I was one of the girls being sexually and physically assaulted. I just kept saying, over and over again, “I have a stomach ache.”

*****

In honor of the MLK holiday, I took an excursion up the road through a driving rainstorm to go see the movie Selma. Most people in my region of the world were cheering on the New England Patriots, so I enjoyed a quiet night at the theater for one. I guess the movie isn’t getting the attention some say it deserves. I hope that won’t cause people to dismiss it as unworthy. The movie is not only well-directed with great acting and music, it’s also important because it’s a catalyst—it’s one of those films you go to see and after you see it, you start doing some research. You want to find out for yourself what’s true, what isn’t, and what happened to the people in the film. The movie triumphs as a work of art because it makes you think and thinking for yourself is one of the most crucial ideals of Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy:

“INJUSTICE ANYWHERE IS A THREAT TO JUSTICE EVERYWHERE.” 

Injustice is everywhere. What do we do when we come upon it?

The legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. suggests that we consider the practices and philosophy of nonviolence. The MLK holiday, along with my excursion to watch the film, Selma, inspired me to learn more about MLK’s philosophy and strategies for nonviolence and how he developed them. One of the greatest men he admired was Mohandas Gandhi, best known as Mahatma (Great Soul) Gandhi:

…I was particularly moved by the whole concept of “Satyagraha”. Satya is truth which equals love, agraha is force; “Satyagraha” means truth-force or love force…As I delved deeper into the study of Gandhi, my skepticism concerning the power of love gradually diminished, and I came to see for the first time its potency in the area of social reform. Prior to reading Gandhi, I had about concluded that the ethics of Jesus were only effective in individual relationships. Gandhi was probably the first person in history to lift the love ethic of Jesus above mere interaction between individuals to a powerful and effective social force on the large scale….It was in the Gandhian emphasis on love and nonviolence that I discovered the method for social reform that I had been seeking for so many months. The intellectual and moral satisfaction I failed to gain from the utilitarians of Bentham and Mill, the revolutionary methods of Marx and Lenin, the social contract theory of Hobbes, the “back to nature” optimism of Rousseau, and the superman philosophy of Nietzsche—I found in the nonviolence resistance philosophy of Gandhi. I came to see it was the only morally and practically sound method for oppressed people in their struggle for freedom.”

In MLK’s 1959 Sermon on Gandhi, he elaborated on points he’d made in a 1957 speech, Birth of a Nation:

“The aftermath of nonviolence results in the creation of a beloved community, so that when the battle is over, a new relationship comes into being between the oppressed and the oppressor. The way of acquiescence leads to moral and spiritual suicide. The way of violence lead to bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers. But, the way of nonviolence leads to redemption and the creation of the beloved community.”

King emphasized that the Beloved Community was not some utopian Garden of Eden with gentle serpents and luscious apples. The Beloved Community was a community of people devoted to the methods of nonviolence.

King’s study of Gandhi influenced his Six Principles of Non-Violence. In his first book, Stride Toward Freedom, (he was attacked and stabbed while signing copies of the book), he lists the principles:

1) Nonviolence is a way of life for courageous people. It is an active nonviolent resistance to evil. It is aggressive spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. 2) Nonviolence seeks to win friendship and understanding. The end result of nonviolence is redemption and reconciliation. 3) Nonviolence seeks to defeat injustice, not people. 4) Nonviolence holds that suffering can educate and transform. Nonviolence accepts suffering without retaliation. 5) Nonviolence chooses love instead of hate. 6) Nonviolence believes that the universe is on the side of justice. The nonviolent resister has deep faith that justice will eventually win. Nonviolence believes that God is a God of justice.

His Letter From a Birmingham Jail spelled out Six Steps for Nonviolent Social Change (Love in Action):

1) Information gathering. Become an expert on your opponent’s position. 2) Education. Inform others about your position. 3) Personal commitment. Eliminate hidden motives and prepare to accept suffering in your work for justice. 4) Discuss and negotiate. Use grace, humor, and intelligence. Do not seek to humiliate. 5) Use direct action. When the opponent is unwilling to discuss/negotiate—impose “creative actions” to supply moral pressure. 6) Reconciliation. Nonviolence is directed against evil systems, forces, oppressive poles, unjust acts, but not against persons.

*****

Most important of all to MLK’s activism and legacy was his wife, Coretta Scott King. She isn’t often listed as a great American Black woman, but she is one of the greatest. She was born in Alabama, was the valedictorian of her high school class, and attended Antioch College until she was awarded a scholarship to study voice and violin at Boston Conservatory of Music. Corretta Scott King met MLK in Boston when he was at Boston University. The two married and settled in Montgomery, Alabama. Mrs. King was the mother of four children. In her “spare time,” she composed and performed “Freedom Concerts” which combined prose and poetry narration with music. The funds raised from her concerts supported MLK’s Southern Christian Leadership Conference. Upon her husband’s death, she established the King Center—a legacy to the philosophy and practice of nonviolence. She traveled the globe on goodwill missions, she was arrested for protesting against Apartheid in Washington, she was an author, an activist, and a civil rights leader who championed women’s rights and gay and lesbian rights. She was awarded the Gandhi Peace Prize and more than 60 honorary degrees from colleges and universities. She worked exhaustively to establish the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday and, by doing so, she has kept the spirit of his dreams alive.

*****

If you watch the movie Selma you will get a sense for how the principles of nonviolence led to, among other things, the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965. (1965! In America! Voting rights still being challenged!)

Talk about courage. It takes a lot of mighty hearts, and a lot of people willing to think, in order to rise above the injustice of Selma’s Bloody Sunday and its attendant vicious attacks against human dignity.

Watching authentic footage of the people marching from Selma to Montgomery I found myself wanting to look into the eyes of every freedom fighter. I wanted to touch the power of every heart that must have leaped into the arms of guardian angels that day, praying for the safety of all. Could I ever believe so fully in the weapons of nonviolence? In a situation as dangerous? In a country that claims to protect liberty and justice for all?

If I continue to study the principles of non-violence, and think of those who have practiced them before me, I think I could.